Christine reached out to me on facebook wanting to share her story. She recently suffered two miscarriages and struggled with a deep depression after her losses. When Christine sent me her letter that she wrote to her two angel babies, she said it was therapeutic for her to write. This isn't the first time I've had someone tell me that. It makes this blog even more important to me. Not only are women able to share their stories to help console and validate other women, but they can find release in sharing their stories with all of us too. Thank you Christine!
Dearest Babies in Heaven,
Angel, it felt like forever, after your brother was born in 2013, that we had waited for you.
You came to us February of 2016. Your older brother would be turning 3 in just a few
short months. From the moment we had known of your existence we were madly in love
with you. Everything we thought about was in regards to your life and the life we would
share together as a family. We were so beyond excited to tell your older brother about
your coming into our lives and sharing with our families that after almost two years ( what
seemed like a lifetime) we were finally going to be able to grow in love with an addition to
our ever growing family. My dreams of the house being filled with the sound of our
children laughing together in our home and growing up together was finally coming into
fruition. We took Easter pictures to announce our excitement, never did it cross my mind
that we could lose you, and announced to our families the weekend of Easter, when I was
10 weeks along. We were so over joyed with your life that not once did it cross my mind
that you could slip away from us so easily. It was not until the following weekend that I
knew something was not right. It was then that we found out that our joy and your life
were brought to a complete halt. The sorrow I felt for your loss was the most
indescribable pain. Your father and I were dragged into the pits of despair and a new
form a grieving overcame my very being. A deep depression ensued as your father tried to
carry the weight of our pain by doing everything he could to lift my spirits. I cannot say
the pain has or will ever fade.
Angel, four months after your passing, as we begged God to grant us the graces of hope
and faith in Him, we cautiously conceived our first rainbow baby, Jude.
Jude, the joy again was real but the anxiety was also very real. Every morning I felt as if I
was waiting for bad news and yet I was so over joyed with your presence. We rejoiced
quietly and prayed for you silently. Friend’s of ours were announcing the coming of their
little ones yet we kept you our secret. Hiding morning sickness was never easy and those
who caught on wanted to share in your presence and announce your existence to world.
Your fragile being seemed so unstoppable. I would read and reread the statistics claim
that there is only a 2% chance of miscarriage twice in a row and hold on to the hope that
you would not be apart of that 2%. On the 12th week of pregnancy, in November, it all
came crashing down. Again, a loneliness and grief over took my being. I wanted to hide
away from the world. I felt that I had let you down. I would countlessly blame myself for
not doing more to avoid your passing. Regrets of things I had done and things I could
have done better flooded my head. The grief felt everlasting. The sweet babies being born
this May 2017 are a constant reminder of your absence and my empty arms. Not a day
goes by that you are not on my mind. We will always be thinking of you Jude and Angel.
We promise to keep you alive in our hearts and souls. You will not be forgotten. Your
moments here with us were so very special and I am so grateful we were able to share a
moment together in this world. Know that we pray for you and hope that you pray for us
We will alway love you, forever and for always, no matter what.
Mom and Dad
I graduated from Wyoming Catholic College in 2011, married the man of my dreams in 2012, and had my first son in 2013. I am originally from the Chicago land area, moved to Wyoming for four years in college, and I know live with my husband in Delaware. I am a mother of a four year old and expecting our second in November. I am an entrepreneur, and have a screen printing company called Go Tees ( www.gotees.co) and a Pro-life boutique called Cherub Bella (cherubbella.com).